"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you..." -Coldplay
I desire to follow the light. Have it create a fire in my bones for something more...I want to do more, be more, create more. In the little moments, where I'm not just a wife, mother, teacher, dance driver, housekeeper, and chef, my voice cries out from under the place I've hidden it. "I'm here," it says, "YOU'RE HERE. BE VISIBLE. Make me heard."
Has anyone else ever felt the like?
As women, as wives and mothers and career followers and seekers of word and truth and the often hard of life, perhaps...well, perhaps sometimes we lose our voices. I know we've worked to create them through suffrage and rights and equality laws, but really? In trying to prove that as women we're equal we've squelched our voice. The one inside. The smallish one that could roar if we'd let it. If we had the courage to be ourselves and not who we think we're supposed to be in order to fit into the mold we've poured for ourselves.
"How do I make you heard?", I ask, anticipating no answer, "How do I fix this?"
In the stillness, I pour over my heart. I listen. I quiet my body and pay attention. It takes energy I do not possess and searching I fail to anticipate. It goes on for a good portion of a night. Then, He answers. I need to keep the light in focus. I need to use it as more than just a cursory illumination, but a deeper one, one that will brighten the path and bring peace. I don't need to fix me. I need to let Him in to do it. Opening doors shut to pain and rejection and relationships where I was always less than. Listening for a voice that does not always mimic my own.
Being me. Visible. In the dark and in the light. Accepting myself as I am, flawed and broken and in need of fixing. A woman with a voice calling out from a small place, with unchased dreams and dinner on the stove. That's the woman He came to fix. To save. To fill up and make bright with light.
You are enough. You do enough. You are loved. I see you....Be a light. Reflect ME.
I hear all of these things in the quiet of the night.
He'd tell you the same thing, so I will state it here for your eyes to see and your heart to believe...if not today then someday soon.
YOU are enough. YOU do enough. YOU are loved. YOU are seen. Today and everyday I love you.
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10