Thursday, January 20, 2011

A Ditch (Part 1)

I've planned to do this post in a few segments, a little now and a bit later; I'm working on thoughtful consideration.
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Have you ever been in a ditch, either literally or figuratively? Were you able to climb out? Did strangers appear and lend a hand, or was it close friends and family?

Or...

Were you left, alone, just wondering if you’d ever be rescued?

I’ve never literally been in a ditch. We’ve had car issues of course, and I remember a few accidents and being “stranded” as a kid, but in a ditch? Nope. However, I’ve seen multiple cars in a such a spot. Cell phones come out and friends arrive. People stop.

I think that physical ditches are a whole lot easier to escape from. You might need a tow truck, but generally, you are visible there. Given aid. Lifted up. Freed.

It’s the figurative ditches that tend to do us in. The ones that people have no idea we’re trapped in...Maybe we’ve fallen there, or maybe we’ve dug them for ourselves. Nevertheless, we’re in there, and most likely?

We. Are. Stuck.

And it’s seemingly the most lonely and uncomfortable spot in the whole wide world.

It’s cold. Icy air sinks and is trapped by the earthen walls surrounding you.

It’s dim. Even though the sky is visible above, shadows come and tease with their movement.

It’s quiet. Sounds are muffled.

It’s isolated. Not necessarily visible from the road and to other travellers.

It’s where you are...alone.

Or at least if feels as if you're solitary. Dwelling on your own island. Having a "Guess I'll go eat Worms..." moment.

It's a horrible place to reside.

I've been there. I've actually looked my sweet husband in the eyes and with pure certainty whispered, "I'm drowning. Seriously under water. I need you to throw me a line. Poste haste."

Did I do this when I went into the ditch? Um....No. I hemmed and hawed and felt slightly sorry for myself. I'd convinced me *and everyone else for that matter* that I could do it. ALL BY MYSELF. It's one of my most extraordinary talents; ask the sweet man of mine. He'll tell you a million times over that I'm the most self-sufficent person he's ever known. My mom and best friend would say the same. I generally don't ask for help, I take care of everything on my own, making sure the house and kids and activities run ship-shape and on-schedule (note: say that in your head with a Brittish accent, it sounds so much lovlier that way). I figure, if I use humor and accents as a distraction, you'll be less likely to see me as you should in this situation. Full of pride. Without humility. Alone. Afraid. Not willing to ask for assistance the instant I went into the ditch.

Why? Because I was trying to do it all I'd put myself squarely in the ditch. I was making it about me by trying to prove to others that I was capable (totally not my intention). I was in the ditch because I was unwilling to see that I wasn't alone. The God who created the universe was there as well. I just wasn't opening my baby blues and looking around instead of just ahead, realizing that He was there with me.

Silly, eh?

The rest of my ditch experience will be detailed on Monday, after we "take five" tomorrow...

3 comments:

  1. oh, I've so been in the ditch. I read once that trying to be self-sufficient in this way is the equivalent of making ourselves our own false God. by not needing others, we're saying we don't need Him.

    it cut me to the quick.

    and, by the way... I'll hang out in the ditch with you until we get rescued if I have to. you're never alone as long as I'm breathing.

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  2. Yep sister, I've been there too. I'm not like you however, I'm not so self sufficient ... if you asked The Husband if I was, he'd die of laughter.

    But still...when in the ditch, it's my tendency to fold up into "tiny-me" and avoided asking for help.
    And I'm pretty sure pride is always the issue.
    Looking so forward to Monday for the rest of the story...
    xo
    love to you sweet one

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  3. Loving you both...

    Sara, that part of the story is for Monday ;)
    I do take heart in the fact that I know I'd always have company. xo

    Robin, I tend to fold up as well. It's easier to withdraw than be transparent. The ditch can be emotional, spiritual, physical...and yes, I agree that pride is the issue. It's complex, this whole humility thing. Love you girl.

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