Soaring and Stillness: Life with the Chickadees

Before Sara died, she asked me to speak at her wake. She didn't desire that I share with others memories  of  her. Rather, she asked that I speak about who she was in this world. She told me that she wanted people who came  to see her  as I spoke.  She also told me I wasn't allowed to cry. It would, she stated, "Make things less effective."  Love her.   A friend who was present asked that I  ( Shannon )  put it up for all of you, who were unable to join us at the service, to read. .  .  .  .  .  .  . Gail Caldwell wrote:  "It's an old, old story. I had a friend and we shared everything, and then she died and so we shared that too."   Words are powerful. Uniting. They shape our view of the world, ourselves, each other. Words, in the best cases, make us immortal. Words are how I found her. Faith is what brought us together. A friend send me an email, asking me to pray for a mother wh...

It's as much a part of me as breathing, this friendship she and I have woven together.  In and out, up and down, encircling us. Never ceasing. Never slowing. None of the breaks, skips, or hiccups that usually occur in relationships. Not a one. We came together so seamlessly I don't  remember what my life, my days, my moments felt like without her beside me, even in a figurative sense. I know it sounds odd, the stuff of science fiction movies and creepy music, but our relationship has been like that from the beginning. I wake up when something happens to her or when she dreams and cannot bring herself out of it. She knows when I've hit my bottom and swoops in to scoop me up.   Even our night times overlap. That silly red sports car she drives in the non-waking hours? It shows up for both of us. I tell her geniuses choose green and she laughs. I am thankful to hear it so strong, so clear. Her laughter is the mix of all things beautiful; soft undertone...

Eleven years ago you entered our world. Small. Red. Making your voice heard. Three separate due dates: March 4 th (actual), January 28 th (for my health), February 6 th (for yours). On Tuesday, February 8, 2000, you decided you’d join us. At your own pace, in your own time; forty two hours of labor, most of it without great progression. Then from 4 to 10 in a hour and six pushes later, you arrived. I had not allowed myself to fall in love with you. The doctors told me that I carried antibodies that could cause your death if the pregnancy made it to 36 weeks. If . That was the word throughout the weeks you grew and developed. If you made it, if I made it, if my kidneys held out. They told me I wouldn’t get pregnant. I did. At week six they suggested I terminate when bloodwork came back showing more strikes against both of us. I refused. They were wrong. I decided, then and there, that they were wrong. That we’d make it. Together . Those days were not e...

It was my intention to do a wordless Wednesday, but the computer got wacky and wouldn't process. ARGH. After a night off, it seems as if things are moving in the processor department again. Here's Little Bit's memory verse for the week...I'm taking it to heart as well. So thankful we don't walk this road alone.

Taking five... 1. The Big's solo costume came in via UPS. We were all extremely thankful it arrived, seeing as she needs it to compete next weekend in GA. 2. My brother. sil, and niece left North America to live overseas for at least the next four years. Most likely for their lifetime...it's for work and I know they'll love it, but saying goodbye via phone and Skype was bittersweet. 3. Little Bit finished second grade math and is almost done with second grade english. She's only six...Looks like I need to order new curriculum and write into ABC asking them to do a show called "Dougina Howser". Wink. 4. We played rousing games of both Quirkle and Bananagrams all weekend. I highly recommend these to anyone who wants to have fun but not spend hours at a time on a game. 5. I spent a lot of time in prayer. God really kept me on my knees this week...I usually pray a ton, but my heart was extra burdened. Between my best buddy just not getting any better, Joanne in...

She needs a friend. She searches it out in me, her Mama. The one who sets the rules, makes her brush her still falling out baby teeth, tailors her curriculum, disciplines, and tucks her into bed at night. I look forward to the day where I am less parent and more friend, but that is a good decade or more in our future. She desires it now ...and it makes me wistful that I cannot yet gift it to her. For the time being, I am charged with shaping her heart. She needs a comrade to pal around with, giggle, and share secrets...with which she can be a goof. Her soul, sweet and tender, often bruised by the unkindness of those around her. She’s always been Sensitive Intuitive Reactive In one-too-many ways, grown-up before her time Being incredibly intelligent doesn’t help things; other ten in less than two weeks eleven year olds don’t enjoy better yet prefer conversations with adults or consider those three to four years older “peers”. Most of the tweens she knows are into Tiger Beat magazi...

I said last Thursday I'd back on Monday... Or, on Tuesday.... smile Because Monday? It got away from me. ___________________________ ...He was there with me. I was not alone. I mean, I've sung the perennial favorite What a Friend We Have in Jesus and read the poem Footprints more times than should be allowed by law, but coming to the realization that He never leaves me was to say the least daunting. In fact, if examined from a logical viewpoint, even a bit creepy, as pointed out to me by my then three year old. “Mama, does God watch over you when you’re sleeping?” asked Little Bit as I snuggled her into bed a few years ago. Never skipping a beat my reply was, “You betcha!” “Even when you get out of bed to go to the bathroom,” she paused “Is He there, too?” She sounded slightly nervous at this point, and I was beginning to get her drift. My response, blithely, was to the effect that she’d never need to be weary of the dark again. Unfortunately, I should have been a bit clear...