Thursday, January 26, 2012

Seeing the Gray

It all goes back to elementary school and diagramming sentences...

(Taken from  the Grace Girl's book) 
I was the girl who loved English class. Every single part of it. From spelling to word definitions to parts of speech, I was smitten. I even was taken with the lost of art of sentence diagramming. Yep. That's me. I was a geek.

There are moments in life where I wonder if I should have studied the sciences and not the arts. If becoming an experimentalist would perhaps have given me a different view on the world. If, in being a researcher, I would see things less in black and white...

.and more in gray

Being a yes or no not a maybe girl is fantastic in some areas of my life. I make decisions quickly. I carry through on agreements. I throw myself into relationships wholeheartedly. I enjoy order. I value those who stick to their word. I have high expectations of myself. 

I have high expectations of others

I want people to work as hard at things as I do. I have hopes of the professor coming home and switching back "on" to family and turning off his work brain, which at this point in his career is probably too much to ask. I keep telling him I understand how busy he is, how many hours he works, and that this is what it takes for him to get where he's going. I tell him I understand. I kind of lie. I desire for family  to grasp what our life is really much time and work go into homeschooling well,what living with a chronic disease is like,  how difficult it is to do it the driving and shopping and cleaning and bill paying and all the rest of it solo.

High expectations make things lonely

Life isn't set up like a sentence diagram. Not everything rests on straight (or slanted) lines joined and blocked into neat, set, spaces. It can't all be labeled, classified, and then scripted.  

I'm working on seeing things less on a line and more as part of a picture. People don't fall into tight spaces. They deserve room and space to grow...

It's not all black and white.

Maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to see a little gray after all.

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