Keeping On...

This morning it took all I had to slip from beneath the warm, cozy blanket and pull on my worn track shorts and tank.

It was dark. Cold. Rainy. The digits were closer to six than seven. Way too early.


I didn't want to go. But I did it anyway because that's what I do. I stick to the plan, follow the rules, stay on task.  No matter what.


I'm disciplined. I'm not saying this in a proud or haughty manner, just as a matter-of-fact. It's a part of who I am. A friend used to tease me that I should have remained Catholic, because I am great at making something ritual.

So, I get up. I put one foot in front of the other, and I keep on keeping on.

I want to nestle back under the covers. I want to spend the day in the abyss that is my heart.

That's not life. Not mine anyway. I homeschool, exercise, study the Word, and do a massive amount of driving to the chicks' activities. I pay bills, manage the household, clean from top to bottom, and make sure all are fed. I care for everyone. There's not time for me in my day. I need to find moments.


Please don't take these words as a complaint. I am beyond thankful for our home, our girls, my life. I am grateful I am capable of maintaining my current speed and course. I know it could all change in an instant.  But today? Today I am tired. I ache. I am lonely. I desire to hibernate, and my cave sharing buddy is gone.

So, I take a deep breath, open my bible, and lean on these words:

"Come to me, all who are tired and weary, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28


I choose to rest on His promise today. I choose to let Him minister to my heart. I will seek Him when I feel the crazy of life creeping it. He calls me to it.

In times like these, I see the benefits of being a "no matter what" girl.

Comments

  1. Mary JoOctober 11, 2011 at 1:09 PM

    Yay! I subscribed to your blog! So now I can keep up with you here as well as Twitter. My heart has been heavy for you these last few days. Praying God's grace for you - grace for each and every moment.

    Know that you are loved . . .

    xxx Mary

    ReplyDelete
  2. JackieOctober 11, 2011 at 1:54 PM

    Shannon....As you keep on keeping on, know that you have friends everywhere. I admire your ability to stay with your routine....no matter what. That says a lot for you. Yes, it does.
    Warm hugs from South Georgia to you.
    Love,
    Jackie

    ReplyDelete
  3. VickyOctober 11, 2011 at 2:00 PM

    I am praying He meets you here too, in fact its been part of my constant prayer for you, that you FEEL his presence and love for you.

    There are so many of us saying prayers for you and hoping you know how loved you truly are... Love you honey... so proud you are a "no matter what," girl!

    ReplyDelete
  4. JenniferOctober 11, 2011 at 5:36 PM

    I know how that feels. The lonely, the aching, the weary of body & spirit, the missing.

    Hope you take time today for a hot drink, a cuddle with those sweet girls on the couch, some worship music.

    Know you are not alone.... and so very loved.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousOctober 11, 2011 at 6:12 PM

    "Today I am tired. I ache. I am lonely. I desire to hibernate, and my cave sharing buddy is gone."

    Shannon, those last 6 words...(HUGS). Praying for your healing heart as you continue on with life.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Loving Well

It's as much a part of me as breathing, this friendship she and I have woven together.  In and out, up and down, encircling us. Never ceasing. Never slowing. None of the breaks, skips, or hiccups that usually occur in relationships. Not a one. We came together so seamlessly I don't  remember what my life, my days, my moments felt like without her beside me, even in a figurative sense. I know it sounds odd, the stuff of science fiction movies and creepy music, but our relationship has been like that from the beginning. I wake up when something happens to her or when she dreams and cannot bring herself out of it. She knows when I've hit my bottom and swoops in to scoop me up.   Even our night times overlap. That silly red sports car she drives in the non-waking hours? It shows up for both of us. I tell her geniuses choose green and she laughs. I am thankful to hear it so strong, so clear. Her laughter is the mix of all things beautiful; soft undertone...
Read more

Lonely Eyes

Today I took the time to gently lift her into my arms and sway around the kitchen.  Laying aside all of the I have to's   and instead looking her in the eyes and noticing the lonely. Wondering if my eyes look the same I stopped cleaning up dinner and unloading the dishwasher and pulling out the vitamin regiment for the 'morrow. I started listening to the quiet of her heart.  The place that was calling out for more of me in the regular moments. Scrolling through the music on the phone, I found her song. The one I've sang to her since her NICU days. Choosing it carefully, pushing play, watching the wonder in her eyes. She  did not realize it was on our devices. Wonder replacing lonely My little is still small enough to fit on my hip, even at seven. I tell her it's God's gift to me, being able to tote her when she gets tired or hurt or just plain lonely . Growing up isn't easy. Neither is being grown up. Knowing this, I hold her tighter and we glide aroun...
Read more

The Power of Words

Before Sara died, she asked me to speak at her wake. She didn't desire that I share with others memories  of  her. Rather, she asked that I speak about who she was in this world. She told me that she wanted people who came  to see her  as I spoke.  She also told me I wasn't allowed to cry. It would, she stated, "Make things less effective."  Love her.   A friend who was present asked that I  ( Shannon )  put it up for all of you, who were unable to join us at the service, to read. .  .  .  .  .  .  . Gail Caldwell wrote:  "It's an old, old story. I had a friend and we shared everything, and then she died and so we shared that too."   Words are powerful. Uniting. They shape our view of the world, ourselves, each other. Words, in the best cases, make us immortal. Words are how I found her. Faith is what brought us together. A friend send me an email, asking me to pray for a mother wh...
Read more