Carrying and learning and stretching...
It causes an ache
Today my heart is full.
Full for my friend that will sit and lie and undergo tests that will measure progression of something she has little control over. She remains fully in the light and shines so brightly. But my heart? It's full of her, those sweet boys that remind me of my girls, and her husband who captures beauty. Her voice and spirit are strong...I'm the one coming all apart reading her script and seeing more in photographs than is there.
Eyes overflow as I read another friend's words, her beautiful acceptance of the way things are and the wistfulness of what has been. Sitting in a wooden chair in the hallway at one of our three dance studios while my Little Bit takes class, tears slide down my cheeks. Knowing a pain like hers, seeing my girls in hers. The sweetness of their hearts...knowing that her thoughts will slide to them, to the future, to the what-may-bes . I've been there.
All the way to the top is what I am today...
It's a good place to be. A spot where I see more clearly, hear more acutely, feel all the way down to my toes. I know that my tired and heavy heart exacerbate the waterfall that is becoming my eyes, but it's okay. The hallway is dark and quiet, only lit by the screen as I type. I will be the put back together Mama that my Little Joy is expecting when her class door opens in an hour. In these moments of alone, I'll let myself feel and not be strong.
My ear buds in, gratitude music pouring straight to my soul. Reminders of why a full heart is one that always has room for a little more...because that is what friendship is...feeling, supporting, praying, lifting up and under and holding when times are tough because He first loved us.
"Gracious, compassionate, merciful God, radiant holy delight, beautiful Father
victorious Son, source of unchangeable light, great is the Lord and thus worthy of praise,
refuge of strength to the end, righteous redeemer and mighty to save
He's the anchor of hope for the souls of men."
...so very thankful for a heart that can fill